rome redux: saturday edition

today's notes and news from around our fading empire:

• file under: "I Went To Paraguay And All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt (and Waterboarding Internship)." no word as of yet if they've asked the Peace Corps kids to work for other agencies in addition to spying on Cubans and Venezuelans for the State Dept... i'm hoping a certain red-haired cousin comes home from South America with not just the newfound skill to construct palapa roofs and small aqueducts made of leftover plastic bags, but also an internship in torture (mothafucka) torture.
• fuck all you Catholics, more. not only did you fuck up the last 9 prezzes, you're in line to fuck up the 10th, too. well, actually, you got Gore right--maybe someone should break the news to Brother Nino before he does it again.
• Roger Clemens' performance-enhanced trophy wife now has a name. it's Debbie. it's taken me two days of reading news articles before seeing that in a lede 'graf. welcome to the world of people with names and identities, Debbie Clemens. you fucking cheater.
  
• pausing our blogging to try performance-UNhancing drugs...
• my life is more important than yours. i hope Bobo the Chihuahua bites this guy's lawyerly dick off, and pisses all over his 4 year old son. no, not really. well, ok, kinda. HEY. FUCKFACE. you don't like legal smoke, move to a fucking country where it's not legal to do whatever you want within the sacred graces of your home, like make international telephone calls and use email, browse the Web, order liquor online, and now... smoke cigarettes. oh, wait. my bad. btw, if you saw that chick on the street--what do you think her voice sounds like? just a guess.
  
• a dog once bit my face... off. it hurt less than the movie. also, this dude's got a phat collage header on his site.

roger clemens' wife is a cheating whore

just saw this tidbit on the ticker, that bottom troller/feeder/scroller that can change lives in just the seconds it takes for some production jock to key in the text in a studio. in this case, here's what it so deftly said:

"Brian McNamee testified before Congress that he injected Roger Clemens' wife with HGH in 2003 with Clemens' permission before a SI cover shoot."

which of course, means only one thing: Roger Clemens' wife is a no-good, cheating fraud. a phony. a fake. a pure canard. a prevarication. a lie. here, let's use the SI link, too.

see, she's basically flat-out ruined everything it's ever meant to be an athlete's trophy wife in an SI swimsuit issue, and we're just fucking appalled. plus, she looks like she snapped that fucking bat over her leg in the next sequential. fuck you Bo Jackson, you big pussy--Roger Clemens' nameless wife could crush your fucking skull with her abs!

in protest, we're also re-canceling the SI subscription we originally let slide back in the early 90s, right before we stopped reading The Sporting News and right after we had a 4-month infatuation with ESPN: The Magazine before we realized what absolutely fatuous corporate bullshit it was. seriously, this is more depressing to us than our former subscription to Writer's Digest was--you have no idea how easy it is to write a short story or stealthily cloaked feel-good Jesus novel with a fucking dragon. /roar.

but we digress. that wife of Roger Clemens bitch is a cheater. no way she gets in the Hall of Fame now.