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| Gaze into that shit like the fuckin' Abyss. |
if you want to really get a feel for how the educated talk about curling in the parlance of our times, read how the Canuckians write about it.
sounds so much cooler--even if their
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Today's Eve: Big Balls Edition
well, turns out that Eve really does have bigger stones than most. that's EXACTLY what we look for in our athlete-heroes at girthy. well, that--and this:
PRO TIP FOR ROOKIES:
if you want to really get a feel for how the educated talk about curling in the parlance of our times, read how the Canuckians write about it.
sounds so much cooler--even if theirsquad rink (it's called a rink, dummies!) is a quartet of shaggy Arctic harpybeasts, surviving off rotten seal blubber and the bloated carcasses of broken-down ice road trucker-types.
if you want to really get a feel for how the educated talk about curling in the parlance of our times, read how the Canuckians write about it.
sounds so much cooler--even if their
Your team is shitty. Unless you are from Canada.
in advance of today's crucial 10am, just-around-halfway matches, here's what the She-Curling Death Pool looks like:
- Standings
Thank you, Winter Storm MacCormack
and this is what the northeast looks like today--all because of one severely hurled rock that smashed into Siberia like a freight train loaded with nukes and home heating oil, except without Denzel Washington or Steven Seagal on board.
and people think women's curling doesn't matter.
and people think women's curling doesn't matter.
Today's frozen sheet/hot action
so, those of you lucky enough to wake up at 3 am, well, this is what you saw:
for those of you adorable sleepyhead losers, here's your next chance: the 10 am session that will feature:
for those of you adorable sleepyhead losers, here's your next chance: the 10 am session that will feature:
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Winter Storm Debbie MacCormack terrorizes the South
apparently, the Deep South does not read the blog--and so were caught, if not entirely but still mostly, unaware of the repercussions from yesterday's MacCormack Death Comet in Sochi.
fear not, dear friends, for the Grey Lady, she's all over it.
fear not, dear friends, for the Grey Lady, she's all over it.
ATLANTA — Georgia residents who went to bed worried about Gov. Nathan Deal’s ominous warning that the state was about to be iced over woke Wednesday to find out that he was right: An ice storm of what meteorologists say could be historic scope had begun as the Deep South slept.
“There is no doubt that this is one of Mother Nature’s worst kinds of storms that can be inflicted on the South, and that is ice,” Mr. Deal said Tuesday night. “We’re not kidding. We’re not crying wolf.”
wait, what the fuck is that? my Scottish gods, this is almost like a 911-style/global warming/IRS scandal/BENGHAZI BENGHAZI!1! cover-up, all-over-again, rolled-all-up-into-one like a Satanic pig-in-a-blanket (say it in your Jim Ross voice). but to blame the clearly causally related worldwide meteorological disaster that was Debbie MacCormack's errant stone on "Mother Nature"? that's even worse!
so, as a public service, we're going to help you read between the lines of what Big Media doesn't want you to know. just follow the helpful bolding, which we've added for context:
Waves of rain began falling in the early hours Wednesday, which may or may not sync-up perfectly as far as Sochi-time. By 8 a.m., the winds had picked up and the rain had turned to a steady flow of tiny ice pellets. Trees, cars and streets were coated in a light layer of ice that likes of which the region rarely sees , like the gold medal for Women's Curling.
wow, that's some serious stuff. but with the US Team due to play at least
“Right now I would be prepared for days,” Aaron Strickland, Georgia Power’s chief emergency executive, said Tuesday night. "But I think it would be even easier if maybe they just didn't pick Debbie MacCormack to hurl stones with the force of a 150-megaton nuclear explosion."
it's great to see people are finally start to get the message about the deep impact that Debbie MacCormack can have on pan-global weather systems. we're well past the stage where we could feel safe just because she was "competing" a hemisphere away, people.
hey. let's be careful out there.
Mid-day-ish Banter: Yes, curlers read email!
just to prove how much we really love Canadia here at the blog, here's a lovely piece of no, no, i'm not bitter.
Tough Shite: the day's results, and the standing to date
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| Not pictured: Eve Muirhead |
and when Eve let fly that final, fateful hammer (a frozen goddess' tear, sunlight itself caught in parabolic, doomed arc, til gracefully yielding 'neath gravity's inevitable sway, it shatters, crunching sadly into irrelevance, much like Nancy Kerrigan's medial collateral ligament), well it was goddamned clear that the word "overtime" was one that's simply not pronounceable in our our heroine's charming native patois--and, moreover, that TEAM SCOT would either die out there, right in the middle of this goddamned rink AND on international television streamed over the Internet, or that they would sure as hell be momentarily feasting on the smoking entrails of their half-Wookie opponents, right after all their stones exploded.
alas, Fate is one fickle bitch.
but while everyone else had to leave their stones at the rink, only Eve Muirhead half-walked/half-skated her way out of there carrying a well-earned and giant fresh set. human/alien hybrid Sam Cassell would certainly be proud.
moving on... today's results:
JPN 8 : 4 RUS
USA 4 : 7 CHN
KOR 4 : 7 SWE
CAN 9 : 6 GBR
and the overall standings:
see you tomorrow, for a double session. we'll post the exciting details here later, along with some of the inside-the-ice features we teased so successfully (2 comments! holy shit!) yesterday.
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