Saturday, February 20, 2010

fuck the scotch (day 5 open thread)

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
va.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
VA.

EVA! fresh from pulling a Rasputin on ice, US skip debbie mccormack sent us here at girthy a celebratory screed... and wethinks it's for you, darlin':

no wo-man, EVA, is an Iland, intire of herselfe; every wo-man
is a peece of the North American Continent, Remember the Maine!;
if a Clod bee washed away by the Sea, Europe (this is you)
is the lesse, as well as if a Promontorie were, as
well as if a Manor of thy friends or of thine
owne were; any wo-mans death diminishes me,
because I am involved in Mankinde;
And therefore never send to know for whom
the hammer tolls; It tolls for thee.

MEDITATION XVII
Devotions upon Emergent Curling Occasions
Debbie McCormick


if you read it really, really (hard) fast, it sounds just like this.

which means, despite your precocious skills with the big hammer, your 19 years of scottish class and humor, and your cute little nose--you are about to be mccormack-ed. rhymes, with...

25 comments:

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

It rhymes with … сосет Дика !

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

And by the way, it tolls for thee, … motherfucker.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

-Olaf, metal! Show her your metal face. Olaf, girl nice?

-Skrelnik.

-He speaks some English but he can't not speak it good like we do.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Live-Commenting the final three ends of USA-Great Britain.

Debbie McCormick just made astrange strategy move to blank the 8th end, and NBC's Colleen is puzzled. Though Colleen also seems puzzled by Eve Murihead's hair highlighting her as the future of the sport and Eve's attempt to not make it an old-ladies' sport.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Jeez, this ninth end is going so fast for me, I can't keep up with my plan to live-comment. Who said curling is a slow and boring sport?

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Ледоруб Jr. is sitting with me and keeps asking, when's it going to be the end of the game? No love from the youth.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Final shot of the ninth end for McCormick: Ugh! Short! Could've blasted that one out of there. NBC goes to the commercial break before Colleen Jones of NBC can go medieval. Saved by a tourism spot for Ontario

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Final end. BTW, Vanity Fair can suck an egg. I, for one, am learning more about curling from Colleen Jones than some nap-inducing drone.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Bring out the Krazy Glue and weld some stones!

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Colleen Jones: Ew. Not a good shot.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Four rocks to go. I've sent Ледоруб Jr. for a fresh Daddy Soda.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

McCormick drops it in the top of the 12-foot green circle, up to the streak-haired Muirhead.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Tied. Extra end!

Side note: Eve Muirhead and Lucy Privivkova could do a remake of Cagney and Lacey, but everything takes place on a curling sheet and every week they have to solve the mystery of would Colleen Jones do.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

I swear, this is not us:

http://twitter.com/Ben_Bryan

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

CNBC breaks away in the middle of the 11th end to show more commercials for Brokaw's Boomer$! special. Long been sick of the Boomers, now even more sick of them (shameless plug).

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Colleen Jones: That's a little deep for her. Deeper than she would've liked.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Backhanded compliment from NBC Colleen: I like that shot better than the one she called.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Muirhead makes her move (her penultimate rock) -- behind the T-line (see what I've learned?). Now up to McCormick. &hellp; Sits inside the 4-foot. Now back at you, Eve …

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Colleen: That's actually a pretty decent shot from Debbie McCormick.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Colleen: Way out there, so far to curl.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Whoa! Too wide and no curl indeed on All-About-Eve's last shot. U.S. Wins in the extra end, 6-5. Miracle on Ice and all that. U-S-A! U-S-A! Bar-ton Fink! Bar-ton Fink!

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

CNBC is now leaving us with the emotions of the curling bonspiel, which they cut shot to cut to a special on the swimsuit issue. Not that I'm one to complain about what they cut to, but yet another bad cut by the NBC command centre. I, for one, was enjoying the emotions of the curling bonspiel when &hellp; Whoa! I think I can see her kidneys!

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

cut short, but you know what I mean. Wow, the SI Swimsuit Model looks uncomfortable on that tauntaun-looking horse.

The Ледоруб (The Ice Ax?) said...

Off-topic from the women's tournament, but get the stick out of your bonspiel, unnamed American male curler:

"The Norwegian men spiced up the opening day by wearing diamond-pattern red, white and blue check trousers supplied by golfer John Daly’s tailors."

"‘Here come the clowns,’ said a rival American."

Sorry, The Norwegian Olympic Curling Team's Pants FTW!

KACattack said...

And The Ледоруб wins Gold for commentary! Amazing material here.

I cannot believe that Twitter thing! You swear that isn't you?!

(Also, my word verification thing is "dines." I wish I wrote this comment three hours ago, because then I could say: "Dines, as in Team Suisse is about to dine(s) on some fresh Chinese blood in the bronze medal match.")

At any rate, it's been a blast, fellow curling enthusiasts.